One of the most challenging parts of new parenthood is the utter sleep exhaustion. So we went to the experts, and taught both of our babies to sleep through the night using a combination of TWO methods: a sleep schedule and eliminating nighttime wake-ups. Here’s how you can teach your baby to sleep, complete with the ultimate sleep schedule cheat sheet for babies from birth through 12 months, a handy chart outlining how much sleep your baby really needs at every age, and our best tips for getting baby to sleep through the night.
Whew! This post has been a loooong time coming. The elusive sleep. Nothing rocks your world quite like new parenthood, and the utter lack of sleep. If I had to sum up what makes those first few months with a new baby SO hard, the response would be easy: sleep. Though it seems so simple a concept, parents can struggle with getting their baby and kids’ sleep patterns under control for years. Years, y’all. And trust me, no one wants to be sleep deprived for YEARS.
With our first baby, we struggled for months upon months to get our baby to sleep. We walked around like zombies, waking up every two hours to feed Scarlett, and still, she struggled; we struggled. Once we finally taught our oldest baby to sleep, it was a total revelation. By our second baby, Emmeline, we were determined – absolutely determined – to get baby’s sleep habits under control much earlier, and to not let it rule our life.
So we went to the experts; namely, my parents, and hubby’s good friend who happens to be a neurlogist who specializes in pediatric sleep. Oh yeah, you read that right: a pediatric neurologist with a focus on sleep. We spent an hour on the phone with him one night when Emme was around 3 months old. He talked us through every detail of sleep training, and we ended that phone call nearly in tears (okay, that was mostly hormonal me) and SO grateful.
Why It’s Important to Help “Teach” Your Baby to Sleep Through the Night
Whatever you want to call it – sleep training, sleep schedule, cry-it-out, gentle cry-it-out, the Ferber Method, fading method, etc. Most methods of “teaching” a baby to sleep are some combination of what’s long been out there (and studied obsessively by brilliant doctors, psychologists, and scientists) and what you feel comfortable with.
And the truth of the matter is, you do have to “teach” your baby to sleep.
I remember when I was pregnant with our first daughter, I used to joke to my OBGYN that my unborn baby always managed to sleep during the day and wake up, ready to kick all night long, once the clock struck midnight. My doctor at the time explained that my movements were actually what helped “rock” her to sleep during the day. I was already training her to rely on my rocking for sleep, in utero. Whaaaattt? Fast-forward to somewhere around month 7 of Scarlett’s life, when both my husband and I were so tired we couldn’t see straight, and I remember thinking, “This is all my fault.” Okay, so maybe I was being a tad over-dramatic.
Hormones and exhaustion can make for one interesting combination. What mattered is that we weren’t helping our baby to learn how to sleep. Normal and healthy sleep habits aren’t necessarily innate. We complicate things as parents because we want to do everything in our power to help and provide for our crying baby. The trouble is, it’s that desire – to fix things – that becomes the crutch with which baby relies on, even though, what they really need, is sleep …
When To Sleep Train
By 6 months old, most babies are physiologically capable of sleeping through the night and no longer require nighttime feedings. According to our doctor friend, babies can in fact sleep through the night as early as 6 weeks old. We began the process of “sleep training” when Emmeline was 4 months old; and again, teaching your baby how to sleep is ALL about what you’re comfortable with. By 4 months old, it was clear to us that our baby was tired. She barely drank in the nighttime, and seemed half asleep as I fed her at those middle of the night feedings.
We let that go on MUCH longer with our first baby, and in retrospect, I wish we had helped her and us much earlier on. And again, by 6 months of age, babies are typically physicially ready to sleep straight through the night without any additional nighttime feedings. Despite that fact, somewhere around 25%–50% continue to wake up crying during the night.* (And if we took a poll of most of our friends with babies, I’d say those percentages are much higher.)
The Key to Good Sleep in Infants (2 – 12 Months)
When it comes to waking during the night, the most important thing to understand is that all babies wake briefly between four and six times throughout the night. It’s teaching babies how to soothe temselves back to sleep (so that they become “self-soothers”). That’s key to good sleep habits. Until we teach them otherwise, most babies learn fairly quickly that when they wake in the night, they can cry for their parents to help get them back to sleep. Basically, we’re teaching our babies inappropriate sleep associations and thus they have difficulty self-soothing.
All of those sleep associations we give them – rocking, shushing, holding, feeding, or bringing baby into our own bed – over time, babies learn to rely on this kind of help from their parents in order to fall asleep. While some of those things might not be a problem at bedtime, they can lead to difficulties with your baby falling back to sleep on their own during the night, when they inevitably wake up.
Safe Sleep Practices
- Place your baby on his or her back to sleep at night and during naptime. (Our first baby was a champion back sleeper; but with our second baby, by about 6 months old, we quickly learned that she preferred rolling her tummy and sleeping with her stomach on the mattress. I’ll admit I panicked a bit the first few times she rolled over. But I kept watch with our baby monitor, and saw that she always slept with her face to one side.)
- Have your baby sleep on a firm mattress in a safety-approved crib. (We have and love this Nook Pebble Mattress.)
- Make sure your baby’s face and head stay uncovered and clear of blankets, pillows, and other coverings during sleep. We skipped blankets, crib bumpers, and pillows altogether. A loose-fitting sleep sack is another good alternative if you’re worried about baby’s temperature. (We’ve been really happy with these Amazing Baby Cotton Sleeping Sacks on Amazon.)
- Avoid overheating during sleep and keep your baby’s bedroom at a temperature comfortable for an average adult.
- Remove all mobiles and hanging crib toys by about the age of 5 months, when your baby begins to pull up in the crib.
How We Taught Our Baby To Sleep Through the Night
For the most part, and with a few tweaks from advice from friends and our parents, we used the Babywise method of sleep training.*
We started this exact process of sleep training Emmeline at 4 months old, and realize in retrospect, that we probably could have done it even sooner.
We taught our baby to sleep using a combination of TWO methods: a sleep schedule and eliminating nighttime wake-ups.
- Learn your baby’s signs. Baby’s will “tell” you when they are tired. Some babies fuss or cry when they are tired, others rub their eyes, stare off into space, or pull on their ears. Your baby will fall asleep more easily and more quickly if you put him or her down the minute they let you know. Follow their cues, but stay on a schedule.
- Choose where your baby is going to sleep and be consistent about it. By about 3 or 4 months of age, try to acclimate your baby to where they’ll be sleeping permanently, if not sooner. We moved our second baby to her crib at 4 months old, and again, I think we could have done that sooner. (For her first 4 months, she slept in a bassinet in our room.) Whether baby sleeps in your room, a shared room, or his or her own room, be sure it’s a quiet, familiar space, where you can close the door and allow baby to sleep.
- Try to keep baby’s bedroom dark, cool, and quiet. We love these blackout curtains from Target. And also these from Pottery Barn Kids.
- Encourage use of a security object. Once your baby is old enough (by 12 months), introduce a transitional/love object, such as a stuffed animal, a small blanket, or lovey. Include it as part of their bedtime routine and whenever you
are cuddling or comforting your baby. Don’t force your baby to accept the object, and realize that some babies never develop an attachment to a single item. Both of our girls love the little animals attached to their pacifiers, and neither really took a blanket or toy, other than their “paci.” - Develop a bedtime routine. Routine is key here. Establish a consistent bedtime routine that includes calm and enjoyable activities, such as a bath and bedtime stories. Be sure that it’s something you can stick with as your baby gets older. To this day, we bathe both girls in the evenings to help them unwind, and both baby and our now 4 year old get a story read to them before bed.
- Put your baby to bed drowsy but awake, and avoid doing things to “help” them sleep. Admittedly, with both of our girls, this was the hard part for me. Rocking, shushing, and singing baby to sleep are all crutches. They’re what teach your baby into “needing” your comfort in order to fall asleep, and that’s what we’re trying to avoid. In order for sleep training to be successful, babies need to learn how to self-soothe. Keep the stimulus to a minimum and make those last 10 minutes of the nighttime routine boring and quiet. I.e., don’t give your baby the idea that nighttime is playtime. After your bedtime routine – bath, reading, putting in a swaddle, etc., put your baby to bed sleepy but still awake, which will encourage them to fall asleep independently. This will teach your baby to soothe him- or herself to sleep. So that he or she will be able to fall back to sleep on their own when they naturally awaken during the night.
- The first few nights you put your baby down to sleep, and often at times during the day for nap as well, your baby will cry. Crying is easily the hardest part of sleep training. I’ll go into this in MUCH more detail later on in this post. But it is OK to let your baby cry for a bit. We used the gentle cry it out method, which basically looked like this:
- Lay baby down on his or her back. Say goodnight. Rest hand on baby’s chest for a moment so they know you’re there. Quietly leave the room.
- If baby cries, set an alarm on your phone for 5 minutes and stand and wait just outside of the door. The first few nights, they will, in all likelihood, cry for a full 5 minutes. When your phone alarm alerts you that 5 minutes have passed, quietly go into the room, put your hand on baby’s chest, and in a soft soothing voice comfort them. We say something along the lines of, “Mommy/Daddy is right here. You’re okay. We love you so much. It’s time for bed.” Don’t linger. If they use a pacifier, give it to them, and then quietly walk out of the room again. Set your alarm for another 5 minutes. When the alarm sounds, and if baby is still crying, go in again and repeat the above. At no point should you pick up the baby, feed the baby, etc. I KNOW it’s hard. The first few nights, I myself stand outside our baby’s door and tear up a bit myself. It’s brutal, and I hate it. But do you know what happens after that second 5-minute interval? Baby falls asleep. Sometimes it takes a third visit. At that point, set your alarm for 10 minutes, and ONLY go in after 10 minutes if baby is still crying.
- Using the method above, you can also eliminate middle-of-the-night feeds. So long as your bay is getting enough milk/formula during the day, your doctor will tell you when baby can sleep through the night.
- By the third night of doing this, both of our babies started sleeping through the night. MORE ON THIS BELOW.
- I know it’s one of the trickier rules to follow, however, trying to sleep when your baby sleeps is so important, especially in the beginning when sleep exhaustion with a newborn baby is par for the course. Parents need sleep too, and a happy, well-rested parent is incredibly important for the well-being of your baby. Try to nap when your baby naps, and ask for help so you can get some rest.
- If you have any reason for concern, call your pediatrician.Babies who are extremely fussy, struggle to sleep all day and night, or are difficult to console may be suffering from something like colic or reflux. (More on acid reflux, and tips for helping babies with acid reflux here.)
Our Baby Sleep Schedule
When we were ready to sleep train our baby, we quickly came up with a schedule. Obviously, you want the schedule to be somewhat in tune with your baby’s needs, but it’s also important to make sure it fits in your schedule. For instance, over time we’ve had to adjust Emme’s nap schedule to accomodate the fact that her older sister, Scarlett’s carpool time changed to 3pm for back-to-school. The first few days were hard on Emme, changing her nap schedule to allow her enough time to nap before and after having to leave to pick-up her sister. But after a few days, she totally got into the swing of things. More on that later.
Sleep Begets Sleep
Sleep is SO important for babies. And believe it or not, sleep begets sleep. Solid, regular rest leads to a healthier, better-sleeping baby. By skipping naps, or not getting enough naptime in, your baby will be irritable and actually have more difficulty settling down at night. Without consistent naps, baby will also be more likely to sleep fitfully and wake up in the middle of the night inconsolable.
Feed/Awake/Sleep
The best path to start on when trying to adjust you and your baby to a sleep schedule is the feed/awake/sleep schedule. Look at these blocks of time in 2-hour chunks. Essentially, baby wakes up, feed baby, play and keep them awake for about an hour, and put baby back down for their nap two hours from when they first woke up.
The first few months of Emme’s life, we actually kept a running schedule on a white board in our hallway. We knew she woke up at around 7am (and eventually 7:30am) every morning, and so we mapped out her day from there. If she’s up at 7am, we feed her, clean her up, play with her, keep her awake, and then she’s back down for a nap by 9am. Depending on when she wakes up next, we start the two-hour shift all over again.
Babies adapt really well to a schedule like this because they’re regularly fed, entertained, and back to napping. All in a predictable, consistent window. If anything, a good sleep schedule is training the parents as much as the baby. And though some days I felt a bit like a slave to the schedule, those first few months of reliable times really helped to save my sanity. I knew a break/nap was coming, and it helped me to stay organized.
Baby Sleep Schedule Cheat Sheet
For the first several months of sleep training, the key is getting on that consistent feeding-playtime-naptime schedule.
The average newborn baby’s schedule consists of regular blocks of exactly that:
- Feeding, diaper change, etc.
- Waketime (minimal)
- Down for a nap
Most new babies shouldn’t sleep longer than about 4 hours continuously at night, at least for the first four weeks. Determining how many feeds your baby needs in a night is typically best left up to his or her pediatrician.
Sleep Training Can Start as Early as 7 – 10 Weeks Old
According to the Babywise method, between the ages of 7 to 10 weeks old, a baby can actually sleep through the night.
The average 7 to 10 week old’s schedule consists of the same regular blocks of:
- Feeding, diaper change, etc.
- Waketime: minimal
- Down for a nap
Look at these segments of time as 2-hour chunks. So baby wakes up, feed baby, play, back down for nap two hours from when they first woke up.
By the evening, typically around 8 – 8:30pm, you start to ready baby for bed:
- Feeding, diaper change, etc.
- Down for a nap
And by late evening (somewhere around 10 -10:30pm), it’s bedtime:
- Feeding, diaper change, etc.
- Down for the night
Once your baby is between 10 – 15 weeks old, continue to follow the same schedule throughout the day:
- Feeding, diaper change, etc.
- Waketime: minimal
- Down for a nap
And their bedtime should be at about 8:30 – 9pm:
- Feeding and down for the night.
The idea is that you’re gradually getting your baby used to a more traditional/earlier bedtime.
Weeks 16 – 24:
Between weeks 16 and 24, babies tend to extend their morning waketime by merging the early morning feeding and the mid-morning feeding. Basically, between 4 and 6 months old, babies will only need one feed-wake-sleep cycle between breakfast and lunch. Solid foods are also often introduced around this time, which can help babies to sleep better.
Weeks 24 – 39:
By this age, we typically find that our babies need only a third “catnap” of the day. Emmeline took one solid early morning nap (before lunch), and one solid early afternoon nap. The trouble is, when she basically eats, plays, and needs another nap – essentially two hours between naps, we found that by around 5pm, she needed another little catnap to power her through dinner.
Our days at this age look something like this:
Morning (7am – 8am):
- Feeding, diaper change, etc.
- Waketime
- Down for a nap (For us, this was about 9:30am)
Late Morning/Lunch-Time:
- Feeding, diaper change, etc.
- Waketime
- Down for a nap (For us, this was about 1 – 1:30pm)
Mid-Afternoon:
- Feeding, diaper change, etc.
- Waketime
- Down for a catnap*
Late Afternoon/Dinnertime:
- Feeding, diaper change, etc.
- Waketime
Bedtime (8 – 8:30pm):
- Liquid Feeding, down for the night
*This is usually around 5:00pm.
Weeks 28 – 40:
At some point around 10 months old, most babies on this schedule drop their catnap.
Emme only recently stopped needing her catnap (she’s now 11 months old) – and now she takes a 2.5-hour morning nap (typically from 10am – 12pm or 12:30pm), and then another afternoon nap (from about 3:15pm to 4:30pm.) At 10 months, we had to shift her schedule a bit later to accomodate for her older sister’s carpool time; i.e., in the summer, Emme was napping from 9:30am to 11:30am and again from 2pm to 4pm, but we shifted everything a bit to get to the carpool line by 3pm for her older sister. I’ll admit, the first few days of pushing her to stay up that extra half hour in the morning, and again, that last 45-minutes or so before her new afternoon nap time was tough. She cried a lot for about 3 days, but then fell into the rhythm of it, and it’s been smooth sailing ever since.
At this age, our days look something like this:
Morning (7am – 8am):
- Feeding, diaper change, etc.
- Waketime
- Down for a nap (For us, this was about 9:30am)
Mid-Day:
- Feeding, diaper change, etc.
- Waketime
- Down for a nap
Late Afternoon/Evening:
- Feeding, diaper change, etc.
- Waketime
- Dinnertime with family*
- Early Evening Waketime/Bath-time
Bedtime:
- Liquid feeding, down for the night
Weeks 46 – 52:
Somewhere around this age, baby stops needing a liquid feeding before bedtime. He or she might have a cup of milk, formula or breastmilk in the evening, but most baby’s don’t need a bottle to go to sleep at this point.
How many hours a day should my baby be sleeping?
Time Spent in Sleep
I always found these guidelines really helpful from Babywise, so I put together our own little chart RE: TIME SPENT IN SLEEP.
The Gentle Cry-it-Out Method
The thing my husband and I get asked most when we tell friends and family that both of our girls are champion sleepers is this:
How did you get baby to sleep through night? How did you eliminate night-time feedings?
The first huge component is getting baby on a sleep schedule; i.e., everything above.
The second component to teaching our baby tp sleep through the night is teaching baby to self-soothe.
In order to teach our babies how to sleep through the night and self-soothe, we used a variation of the gentle cry-it-out method. I 100% know this method is not for everyone, and if being a parent has taught me nothing else, it has taught me to respect how everyone parents. Parenting is the toughest job in the world, and however you choose to raise your kids, you are giving your all (and doing an amazing job!)
If you feel comfortable trying the gentle cry-it-out method on your baby, I want you to know it’s not nearly as harsh as it sounds. Most sleep training methods are based off of this; the idea of letting baby cry and self-soothe for small amounts of time. For instance, in the super popular book Bringing Up Bébé, there is something very similar called ‘the pause’ where if during the night baby cries or fusses you wait 3-4 minutes before picking him or her up.
My mom, and my grandmother, and my bubby, they all taught their babies to sleep through the night this way. And today’s gentle sleep training “CIO” methods don’t involve letting your baby cry all night. What I felt confident about when we began sleep training our babies with this method, is that we gave our babies regular comfort and attention. Also, they always knew we were there and would come back.
And trust me, while it may not feel like it at the time, the gentle crying-it-out, sleep training approach is probably harder on you than it is on your baby. Even when you’re sitting just outside their door, thinking you are the worst parent in the world, crying won’t hurt your sweet baby. And ultimately, you’re doing both your baby and you a huge favor by helping him or her to sleep on their own. This rang even more true with our second baby, because it was important not only to teach Emmeline how to sleep, but it was important to give us the chance to rest and restore so we could be the best parents possible to both our youngest and oldest, Scarlett (who also needed the extra love and affection now that she had a new sister in the mix.)
That being said, the first few nights of any sleep training method are tough. Our pediatric neurologist friend told us we had to give it one full week. For BOTH of our babies, it never lasted more then 4 days. Yep, both of our girls learned to sleep through the night in 4 days. It was a hard 4 days, but both girls have been sleeping through the night ever since. 4 days; a week at most, mama; YOU’VE GOT THIS.
Why gentle cry-it-out works: The idea of self-soothing and cry-it-out is nothing new. The sleep training method was made popular by Dr. Ferber, and most modern-day sleep training methods stem from it. Basically, babies quickly learn that crying often results in being picked up, rocked, or fed — which is pretty good motivation to keep on crying. Once baby understands that bedtime is in fact bedtime, and parents won’t just run in to pick up, rock, or feed them, most give up crying and learn to self-soothe and sleep, usually within three or four nights (though sometimes it takes a little longer).
Here’s how to do the gentle cry-it-out method:
- Once you begin putting baby to nap and bed in their designated sleep space, the first few nights you put your baby down to sleep, and often at times during the day for nap as well. Basically any time you put baby down for quiet sleep and they don’t want to, for whatever reason (and so long as they’ve already been fed, it’s usually just because they are over-tired) – your baby will cry. Crying is easily the hardest part of sleep training; but it’s also doable.
- Lay baby down on his or her back. Say goodnight. Rest your hand on baby’s chest for a moment so they know you’re there. Quietly leave the room, without waiting for your baby to fall asleep.
- If baby cries, set an alarm on your phone for 5 minutes and stand and wait just outside of the door. The first few nights, they will, in all likelihood, cry for a full 5 minutes. Let baby cry for a full five minutes. (It will seem much longer, but remember, it’s just 5 minutes.)
- When your phone alarm alerts you that 5 minutes have passed, quietly go into the room, put your hand on baby’s chest, and in a soft soothing voice comfort them. We say something along the lines of, “Mommy/Daddy is right here. You’re okay. We love you so much. It’s time for bed.” Don’t linger. If they use a pacifier, give it to them, and then quietly walk out of the room again. Sometimes, parents may take turns doing this.
- Set your alarm for another 5 minutes. When the alarm sounds, and if baby is still crying, go in again and repeat the above. At no point should you pick up the baby, feed the baby, etc. I KNOW it’s hard. The first few nights, I myself stand outside our baby’s door and tear up myself. It’s brutal, and I hate it. But do you know what happens after that second 5-minute interval? Baby falls asleep. Sometimes it takes a third visit. At that point, set your alarm for 10 minutes, and ONLY go in after 10 minutes if baby is still crying.
- Repeat this process for as long as baby cries, extending the time you leave baby alone by about five minutes each time until he or she falls asleep. Repeat the same exact process on the second night, and again on the third. (By the third night of doing this, both of our babies started sleeping through the night.)
- A Note on Nap Training: You can “nap train” just as you “sleep train,” though do each one in their own time. I.e., sleep train first, and then start training baby to nap at designated times. At around 5 months old, Emmeline developed a pattern of waking at exactly the 30-minute mark into her naps. (I’ve even heard it called the “45-minute intruder.”) Once she was sleeping through the night well, we tackled naps. When she started fussing at that dreaded 30-minute mark, I started the clock on my phone. If she was still whining/crying after 5 minutes, I went in and started the 5-minute interval comforting pattern that we used for sleep training. Most often, during nap-time, she never even made it to the first 5-minute mark. Allowing her to settle was usually the best option. But even if I did need to go in and comfort her for a moment, she went right back to sleep and quickly learned how to take solid naps. When babies are young, naps are maybe an hour, but as our babies got older, became more mobile, and ate more (i.e., introduction of food in addition to milk). The naps began to stretch into 2-hours+. Now they wake up happy, rather than fussing. Even if I let our baby chatter in the crib for a few minutes once she wakes up, I still consider that rest time. (A normal sleep cycle is 60 minutes, and for a young baby, that’s considered a good nap.) If baby’s naps continue to suffer, and your little one (typically under 7 months) isn’t sleeping more than 30 – 45 minutes at nap-time, try cutting back play/awake time to 1.5 hours. Baby may just be overtired. (So for example: baby wakes at 7am, feed, play, nap at 8:30am, rather than nap at 9am; repeat.)
Here’s how to eliminate middle-of-the night feeds:
- Using the method above, you can also eliminate middle-of-the-night feeds. Obviously, check with your doctor first that your baby is ready to sleep through the night. So long as your baby is getting enough to eat during the day, it’s probably safe for baby to sleep straight through the night without waking up for a feed. (Typically, by the time baby is 6 months old, and often much sooner than that, there’s no real nutritional need for night feedings.) Make sure your baby is getting enough to eat throughout the day, plus a good feed before bed. You might even try gently waking baby just before they go to bed for an extra feeding. The idea is to maximize the number of calories baby takes in during your waking hours, so he or she doesn’t need wake up in the night for more food. If baby continues waking, even with plenty of calories in hid or her belly, chances are at this stage, baby is searching for comfort and “help” sleeping.
- You know your baby’s cues. For us, by about month 4, Emmeline was barely drinking when she’d wake up at 3am like clockwork each night. She would cry and immediately stop when we picked her up. Her drinking was sluggish and uninterested. We spoke to our doctor, did the math, and realized she was getting plenty to eat during the day and didn’t need those night-time feeds any longer.
- We eliminated one night feed at a time. For us, that meant first eliminating the 3:00am feed. Next the 10:30pm feed, and finally, we stretched her wake-up time to 7 – 7:30am (rather than 5:30am).
- I feel like eliminating the night-time feeds is both hard and liberating. Yes, you’re exhausted, and yes, listening to what feels like endless wailing at 3 in the morning can feel terrible. But you’re also exhausted and in desperate need of sleep. You know your baby is getting enough to eat. The doctor has given you the green light to let baby sleep through the night. The toughest part is powering through the tears. Even in your exhaustion, it’s time to let baby self-soothe. Go in, put your hand on baby’s chest, and in a soft, comforting voice ressure them. Don’t linger. Then quietly walk out of the room. Set your alarm for 5 minutes. When the alarm sounds, and if baby is still crying, go in again and repeat the above. At no point should you pick up the baby, feed the baby, etc. I KNOW it’s hard. Sometimes it takes a third visit. At that point, set your alarm for 10 minutes, and ONLY go in after 10 minutes if baby is still crying. Repeat this process for a few nights. Within a week, that 3am wake-up should be gone.*
*I will say that you can eliminate middle-of-the-night feeds/wake-ups with baby sleeping IN your room, but it is harder. When both you and your partner are sleeping in the room with baby, and baby starts to cry, it’s hard to ignore it. We’ve found that once we begin the process of sleep training. Epecially eliminating night-time wake-ups, it’s better to move our babies to their own rooms, with a baby monitor. But truly, we’ve done it both ways, and you can sleep train a baby in your own room. You just have to be strong and allow the full 5, and then 10, minutes to pass as you wait between each comfort interval.
How quickly the gentle cry-it-out method works:
Most parents who use the gentle cry-it-out approach find their baby’s wake-ups/crying diminishes steadily over three nights, and often virtually disappear somewhere between the fourth and seventh night. Again, if you’re going to try this sleep training method, give it a full week.
Every once in a while, within the first few weeks of sleep training, our baby will start to cry. But it never lasts more than 30 seconds to a minute and if it does, we go in, gently soothe, and leave. That usually fixes the problem quickly, and baby falls right back to sleep.
And remember, babies are going through so many developmental phases and milestones. Whether it’s teething, fighting a cold, or changes to their routine (like vacation, inconsistent naps, etc.). That may throw off the nighttime routine temporarily. Be patient with baby and yourself, and remember to always try to ease baby back into that schedule, reinforcing with the gentle cry-it-out method (in 5-minute intervals).
Do what works for you and your heart.
The combination of a sleep schedule and the gentle cry-it-out method are what worked for us. But may not be everyone’s cup of tea. And that’s perfectly okay. What matters is that you and your baby are thriving (and getting a little sleep!) Remember that every little cry doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong. Babies make all kinds of noises — including crying. And do often wake momentarily throughout sleep, only to fall back to sleep on their own. Even if your urge to come a-running at every little sound is strong (#guilty), you may actually be waking your baby or derailing his or her own efforts to self-soothe. And that’s not good for baby or you. A good rule of thumb is to wait at least a few minutes before intervening, to see if baby falls back to sleep on their own.
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*Mindell JA & Owens JA (2003). A Clinical Guide to Pediatric Sleep: Diagnosis and Management of Sleep Problems. Philadelphia: Lippincott Williams & Wilkins.
*Dr. Robert Bucknam and Gary Ezzo (2017). ON BECOMING BABYWISE: Giving Your Infant the GIFT of Nighttime Sleep. Parentwise Solutions, Inc./Hawksflight & Associates.
IF YOU LOVED THIS BABY SLEEP POST, YOU CAN SEE MORE OF OUR LIFE WITH TWO LITTLE ONES HERE.
Photos by Annie Timmons Photography for Glitter, Inc.
A sleep schedule is key to sanity as parents! I’ve got a 6-month-old and we were pretty blessed with him sleeping through the night since 2 months old. For those not as lucky, sticking to a schedule and all of your tips and tricks is imperative. And asking for help! I’ve never been one to do this, but I had to swallow my pride early on and realize that I couldn’t be the best mom I wanted to be without help from friends and family.
Yes! I never thought I’d be so obsessed with a schedule until I became a parent. 🙈 (And asking for help is huge!)
I really needed this post today!!! We’re in the middle of trying to re-sleep-train our six-month-old son (he was sleeping through the night for about a week, and now he’s up for 2-3 hours a night and I’m dying!) I can’t wait to incorporate these tips!
Sarah | all in the details
http://www.allindetailsblog.com
Hope it’s going well!!
I love this method and am working towards sleep training my 4 month old. Most important is trying to get him down without rocking…my dilemma is that he is still swaddled. We tried a few times unswadding him and he just screamed. So I was planning to wait to sleep train him until he’s unswaddled bc he won’t take a pacifier and therefore he has no way to self soothe…any thoughts on this. Can sleep training be done swaddled? Thanks!
Yes! We actually still have our 13-month old in a modified swaddle. Try to get a swaddle that you can slowly free your baby’s arms from, has some wiggle room, etc. We started with a Halo SleepSack because you can start by wrapping it around their arms and then eventually switch it to around their chest. Now we have our baby in sleep sack that has her arms free, like this one. I’m a really big fan of sleep sacks because it mostly kept our girls from trying to climb out of the crib as well as they got older. 🙂
Hey there
I loved reading this post about sleep training. My 8 month daughter sleeps on her tummy with her head to one side, how would you suggest comforting her as I cant get to her chest?
Thanks Sarah
Same goes – just rub her back. Hope she’s sleeping for ya!